LilySlim Weight loss tickers

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Monday, May 28, 2012

Well...Hello There!

It's been a while! Since you last heard from me I've started my other job as well applied for a different job and am REALLY hoping that I get called for an interview because it would be an AMAZING opportunity. Twice the pay with a lot less hours spent away from home and great benefits...sounds win to me! If I get this job I would working at the college (in collaboration with a university) and becoming a nursing instructor teaching nursing students their skills lab and taking them into clinical. Would definitely be fun. Exciiiiting!

As for my new job, it's taking some adjusting. I haven't had to work many night shifts since I started my career and this new job is all nights. I'm taking care of a medically fragile infant who requires suctioning and tube feeds. However, my nights this week (I did 3!), she was wonderful. She didn't require any suctioning and basically just snuggled with me all night. The hardest part of the job is staying awake all night for sure. Baby's mom sleeps in the same room I work in (at this point she's just not able to let go enough to leave the room to sleep, which is ok) so I can't watch TV or do anything other than stare at the wall or read a book...well at 4am that is very very hard. So far I'm absolutely loving it, it's just going to take some getting used to.

I haven't been watching the scale at all this past little bit. I got really frustrated with that whopping gain a few weeks back. I knew that I had done everything right and that I had worked my tail off (obviously not literally tho!). I was honestly just done. I felt I had worked so very very very hard and to not see any results, and to instead see a major gain that also took away my 30lb lost milestone was soul crushing. I felt like a failure. I felt like that I was just taking the first step to gaining it all back. I felt unattractive. I felt like a loser. I felt like I'd let everybody down, including myself. And that started my little downward spiral. I was just emotionally done at that point. But I'm recommitting to myself and to weight loss. I haven't been eating horribly but I just really haven't cared. If I wanted some chips, I had em where before I would have at least attempted to curb the craving (we all remember the month long longing for Doritos). I will be weighing myself on my first day off this week and I am sooooooo dreading it but at least it'll give me an idea of where I am. I know that I haven't gained like 15lbs back or anything crazy like that because I still fit in my smaller clothes nicely, but I'm definitely not expecting to be at my lowest.

So...there it is...that's what I've been up to lately. Definitely not my proudest moment having to admit this all you you guys. I guess all I can say is I'm sorry if I've let you down, and I understand if you've lost your faith in me. All I can do is try my best and try to accept when my best doesn't get the results I want. And also remember that the only way that I can fail is if I were to give up completely. Thanks to all of you who have followed me and (hopefully) will continue to follow me. You're the best!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Still Here

I'm still here! We'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming next week. Stay tuned!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Dear Future Self

Dear Taryn,

You have worked so hard to get where you are today. You have put in a lot of effort to get yourself healthy. Hours logged working out, endless salads (I swear you felt like a rabbit a lot of the time), weekly weigh ins, highs, lows, measurements, tears and joy. And every single moment was worth it. Yes it was hard, nobody ever said it would be easy, and you never want to go back to where you were before.

Before you began your journey you were happy personally. You had an amazing family, wonderful boyfriend, sweet stepdaughter, awesome job, but you hated yourself. You were constantly self conscious. You hid from photographs. Everything was hard. You could barely go outside and play with your stepdaughter because it would leave you out of breath. You constantly tried to cover up and camouflage your body (as if it's that easy at over 300lbs). You looked at your body in disdain, constantly thinking of what you wanted to fix and how much better you'd feel without the extra 150 lbs weighing you down. But you didn't believe in yourself. You didn't think you were strong enough to change. You chose feeling good in the moment over feeling good long term. But all that did was make you even sadder.

Then you had a wake up call. You realized that if you continued down this road you would end up dead long before you should. You wouldn't ever be able to have a child of your own. You likely would have had a long and very sick final years. And you didn't want that. You seen first hand the fear and pain that it would cause. So you decided to change. And change you did. Now you are much more comfortable in your skin and have come into your own. You are confident and fit. You no longer have a problem getting outside to play and you enjoy having your picture taken. You deserve to feel accomplished. This is a struggle you will deal with your entire life. But remember that feeling you had every time you hit a weight loss milestone, and feel that way every day. Never take life for granted, because not that long ago you weren't living it.


Yourself (May 12th, 2012)

Friday, May 11, 2012

W2 Done Again

Both yesterday and today I did a C25K workout and have now progressed on to week 3 again. I am totally LOVING how I'm feeling after my workouts these days. I don't dread them anymore and I don't feel exhausted afterwards. Yes I'm sweaty but I'm also energized and really proud of myself. I have also been putting the incline up at 5% when I'm doing my cool down just to engage the glutes and hamstrings and increase the calorie burn.

I also have some big news. A couple posts back, I mentioned taking on another job doing respite care for an infant who is medically fragile, and that taking on this job will allow me to pay off my student loan (or darn close to it!). Well...I GOT THE JOB!!! We're just going over getting me orientated and ready to go on my own. It's night shifts and an extra 1-2 shifts a week will make a huge difference when it comes to paying back my loans. So awesome. I'm aware that this will take a toll on my home life and Chris and I have discussed it and are both willing to make the sacrifice to make our financial future a little bit brighter. I, for one, think it's absolutely ridiculous that to get a good job that I'm passionate about, I had to go so far into debt. When I was in nursing school all you heard about was bitching and whining about the nursing shortage...but because of the deficits they've cut back so much on health care that they can't afford to hire nurses! There are no full time jobs, and I am one of the lucky ones that has a permanent job with guaranteed hours, and have been lucky enough to have a good working relationship with a manager who hired me on casual for 3 sites. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't working like I am now. I know that this is a very real concern for millions of people, but I'm so glad to have a job.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

A Scale Suprise

After the week I had last week, working out, eating well, you would expect to see a big change on the scale...And I did...But before I reveal the number, lets take a look back at last weeks goals for the RFS challenge:

Weight loss: To be in the 270's - We'll get to that later.
NSV: Blog daily - I got 6 days in a row! Which is pretty darn good I think!
Nutrition: No junk food - I actually ate very well this week, there was 1 meal out which was less than stellar but I more than made up for it with my choices for the rest of the week.
Fitness: Exercise 4 days - Completed. I did 4 days of C25K, walked around the plant nursery, worked my butt off at work

Looking at this I had a fantastic week! I actually stuck to my goals (which almost never happens! haha). I was so impressed with myself for getting back onto the treadmill and starting over with C25K because I was little bitter about it. I was on W6 not long ago and was able to run for 10 minutes straight, but after falling off the program, I was no where near able to do that when I attempted it. But I'm pretty darn determined to get through it one way or another so I will continue to work my way through the program as many times as it takes to get it done.

Alright, enough suspense, lets look back at the weigh in. Last week I weighed in at 282.0 which was only 0.9 lbs away from my lowest weight and 2.1 lbs away from being in the 270s. And as I said I had a fantastic week and saw a big movement on the scale. Nobody would expect that I saw a 5.2 lb movement UP!!! WHAT!? Yep...a 5.2 lb gain. And let me tell you I was devastated. I was feeling GREAT going into weigh in only to be reduced to tears and an incredibly bitchy mood for the rest of the day. Included in that bitchy mood was a "fuck it" mentality. I ate what I wanted, and did what I wanted that day. I didn't eat horribly but I definitely could have made better choices. My poor little family...they did not get the loving, happy Taryn that day...And I've been working through this in my own way. I just really really don't understand how such a drastic gain can happen when I had such a good week. Yes I know that when getting back to exercising a lot when you hadn't been your muscles hang on to water, and yes I know that at certain points in the month women hold on to water like we're storing up for a worldwide drought, but over 5 lbs?! C'mon now. I just needed some time to deal with it, get over it and move on. And today I'm back at it. I will not give up. Not at all.

So what are my goals for this week?

Weight Loss: Lose those 5.2 a little more if possible!
NSV: 5 blog posts
Nutrition: No Junk Food
Exercise: 4 days C25K, 3 walks

Mini Challenge: Write a post to yourself...Watch for this!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

W2D1 Again

After procrastinating for approximately 2 hours, I finally made my way downstairs to the treadmill. I really had no excuse not to. Chris is sleeping after night shift, I had all my workout clothes in the spare bathroom so I wouldn't disturb him while getting changed, there was nothing on TV, and I was bored. I find that setting myself up to have no excuses is the best way to make sure that I actually get what I need to get done done. I did, however, forget to bring my iPod out of the bedroom, but I didn't let that stop me. I quietly creeped in and got it.

This workout, I actually felt stronger than I had in the previous 3 workouts. I dunno what it is but I think the more run-walk intervals, the harder it is...constantly changing speeds is exhausting. Anybody else or is that just me? I'm really feeling like I need to add some strength training to my life, but I'm not sure how to go about that in a way I can afford. I would LOVE to go to a gym and do a circuit, but I just can't afford the membership. Yes I know that there are lots of exercises to do with just your body weight. I just like the feeling of lifting weights, and to see a trainer who can customize a routine for me. I don't want to sound all whiny and have a "poor me" attitude but it does really suck!

Today I work 3-11, and as much as I love my job, I just want to spend some time with my honey. Lately it seems that we're just so darn busy that when we do have down time, we're both so tired that we don't really take the time to enjoy just being together. Bad I know, but with lives as busy as ours, it's definitely hard to not do. This week though I'm definitely making a point to just spend some time with Chris. Life is all about balance right?

Saturday, May 5, 2012

W1 Done...Again!

Today was one of those days that I dragged my ass through the entire workout (well...til the last 7 minutes when "Sexy and I Know It" came onto my iPod...Yes it's cheesy but it got me through the last little bit.

I set my eyes on finishing W1 of C25K and I did. And tomorrow I will start W2. I almost fell on my face though. Because my basement is unfinished there are only like 2 outlets to plug the treadmill in to. So it just so happens that where my treadmill is plugged in is also where Chris keeps all his tools including his air compressor, and I caught my heal on it when I was running, luckily I only caught it a little and was able to catch my balance without killing myself!

2 more days of work and then I'm off...Thank was a LONG day. Hope everybody is well and is having a good weekend.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Burn Baby Burn!

...and I'm talking about those calories! Today was one of those days where I felt like I could take on the world. I had an awesome (but busy!) day at work. I was run off my feet but everything went right for a change. I felt like I made a real difference in the lives of a couple of my residents AND their families. And when you have 92 residents under your supervision, it's often easy to be too busy to have the moments that mean so much to them, because literally there are about a MILLION things I can be doing at any time. Also, while I was on my lunch break, I got a phone call in regards to a job that I applied for to supplement my income a tad to perhaps take a little bit of the financial stress off me. I'm going to talk to the lady more in depth on Tuesday. Basically, if I decide to take the job and we're able to work things out so that I can keep my original job as well as add this second one, I will be providing 1 on 1 nursing care to a 4 month infant who is very sick. Chris and I figured out that if I'm able to work a couple extra shifts every week, I can probably pay off my student loan in 1 year. ONE YEAR!

When Chris left for work, I went down to get on the treadmill to get my workout in. And get my workout in I did. I honestly don't think my treadmill has seen that high of a calorie burn in over a month. And I totally felt like I could go longer but I was expecting a phone call from my mother...who consequently texted me and told me she was going to have a nap before calling me...and I wanted to make sure my honey got to work alright (he did). I powered through W1D2 of C25K and felt amazing. I barely had a hint of a side stitch and I recovered well in the walk intervals. I burned over 300 calories in 30 minutes. That felt GREAT.

I also want to share with you some quotes from the email I received today. It's from a woman who has recently stumbled upon my blog and decided to email me. She journals online, but hasn't yet taken the step to blogging (but if you're reading this, I highly encourage blogging, the interaction and support you receive through this community is amazing!!!!). She writes that she's also currently on a weight loss mission and like most of us, feels she has the "tools" and the know how to lose weight, but struggles with the execution. There is so much truth in that statement. We all know HOW to lose weight, it's really not rocket science (more calories out than in, eat less - move more), but if it were that easy, none of us would be overweight. There are so many emotions behind weight and weight loss. It is very hard to get motivated when as an overweight/obese person we're told on a regular basis that we're not good enough. We're not good enough to shop in the same stores as smaller people, we're not "normal" we're "plus sized", there are so many stereotypes.

There are lots of things we, as overweight/obese people, have to think and worry about that never even cross the mind of smaller people. We have to worry about fitting in the booth seat on that first date, the seatbelt in an airplane fitting around us, a busy supermarket is a obstacle course of buggies and people that you will inevitably brush up against while trying to "sneak by" and god forbid there are plastic chairs at the family gathering we're attending. Some people just don't understand that every day has a socially awkward and embarrassing moment in it, even if it's only in our heads.

The email goes on to thank me for "putting myself out there" on my blog, and telling me that I'm inspiring. I often forget that the words I put out on the internet are read by many more people than those that comment on my blog, or even have a blog themselves. It's truly touching to know that by reading through my story, I have inspired somebody to "get their mojo back". I just want to wish this wonderful (and beautiful!!! She sent me a picture) woman good luck on her journey.

Finally, I'm posting the lyrics and a YouTube video of a song that played at the very end of my workout today. It's about a hopeless person (me) who realizes that there are reasons to keep fighting through the dark times. Certainly seems to be something we can all relate to. Enjoy.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Back At 'Er

Yesterday I blogged saying I was super stressed. And I totally was. I was worried that I would turn to old ways of comfort...but I didn't! I, however, didn't go on the treadmill either. When Chris got home, we had dinner then settled onto the couch to watch American Idol (GOOO SKYLAR!!!) and Survivor. I went to bed last night and, try as I might, I just couldn't fall asleep, and when I did, I kept waking up. I kept telling myself that there was nothing I could do about the situation until morning anyways, so why worry and keep myself up all night. I was up bright and early and phoned the people I needed to and got it figured out for now. So, whew!

Today was a new day and now that I was feeling better about everything, I got on the treadmill! I started W1 of C25K again. I felt strong and really think I could probably jump up to W3 but I think I'm just gonna go through the program so I don't get in over my head and get frustrated. Things are looking better than they have in a while, and I feel GREAT!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Distraction...Or Is It Procrastination

Today I have had one of those days where I could find a MILLION other things to do than exercise. So far I have stripped my bed, washed the sheets and remade it, done all the rest of mine and the kids laundry, organized the junk cupboard, typed out and printed all my favorite recipes and organized them in a binder, but to do that I had to go to Walmart and buy page protectors and dividers. It looks great!

That being said, I still have to tidy up and cook dinner for my man. He's been texting me from work and telling me he's starving so I guess I should feed the poor guy after he's spent 12 hours at work!

I'm thinking I will go on the treadmill after dinner. I'm gonna make it happen because I'm feeling super stressed right now. Usually when I'm stressed I bury my face in a bag of Doritos, but I'm not gonna let that happen. I will work out my stress on the treadmill instead. I know that eating my feelings isn't going to solve any problems...and neither will exercise...but at least with the exercise I don't have the guilt of doing something I shouldn't have added on top of my already there stress. Progress? I think so.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

RFS Week 5 Check-In

Why is it that I'm always so stinkin late doing these check ins!? Goodness me. So lets just jump right into it and look at last weeks goals and how I did!

Weight loss: To see my lowest weight again (281.1lbs) - CLOSE! I got back down to 282.0lbs. which put me at a 1.9lb loss this week! Not too shabby especially considering the week I had.
NSV: Post daily - pffft...not even close. There were days where I thought about opening the laptop but just never got around to it.
Nutrition: No junk food - I did pretty good with this. I may have had a jelly bean here and there but really, not much that was processed crap went into me.
Fitness: Be active every day, complete W1 of C25K again - This did not happen. I will get back on the exercise train...I will! I was fairly active around my house and I did do a couple workouts but not daily like I wanted to.

This weeks goals:

Weight Loss: Be in the 270's. I need to lose 2.1lbs to do it. I think I can!
NSV: Blog daily
Nutrition: Let's carry forward the no junk food
Fitness - Exercise 4 days this week

I was just super busy this week, got a lot around the house accomplished but that was really it. And I did end-up catching some sort of bug that took me off work a day early as I was just not feeling well, absolutely exhausted and really miserable. But I'm feeling back to normal now so here's hoping this week goes as planned!

S.A.S.S! Yourself Slim - Book Review

A while back I was asked to review a book by Cynthia Sass MPH, RD, a book that claims you can lose up to 8lbs in the first 5 days.

When I received the book I excitedly delved into it, but unfortunately quickly lost my excitement. I knew within the first 100 pages or so that this just wouldn't be for me. You're talking to a girl who tried weight watchers, low carb-high protein, high carb-low protein, the all junk food diet, soup name it. The only success I've actually had (and it's admittedly been slow success) has been to eat less and healthier foods, but not depriving myself of something if I'm really craving it, and to exercise. I really envy people that can be strict with their diet and stick with it even if they're miserable. I just can't...and nobody would want me to because I've been known to become slightly homicidal when I'm miserable and hungry.

The book consists of 2 stages: the optional 5 day fast forward (there's a short "quiz" to determine if it's for you!), and the core plan. I knew there was no way in HELL I could do the 5 day fast forward. The 5 day fast forward consisted of eating 5 ingredients, and nothing but those 5 ingredients, for 5 days. The ingredients you ask? Spinach, raspberries, almonds, eggs and plain yogurt. Cynthia stresses organic is the way to go if your budget allows. Now I absolutely LOVE yogurt and raspberries...However I am really really really not a fan of spinach, eggs quite often make me sick (major upset stomach and...well you get the idea), and I'm pretty sure I have a slight almond allergy. So after having 3 of the 5 ingredients unavailable to me, and knowing there's no way in heck I'd eat tofu again, I was unfortunately unable to partake in the fast forward. This is when I started to lose the wind in my sails when it came to this book...but I pressed on hoping that the core plan would be more "me".

The core plan is much less restrictive than the fast forward and consists of using a 5 piece puzzle consisting of the 5 following groups: produce, whole grain, lean protein, plant based fat, and SASS (the snazzy nickname she gives to the allowed spices and seasonings!). Cynthia also goes through what beverages are allowed on the plan...and let me tell you, pop/soda aint one of em. Which, for me, isn't the hugest deal as I'd done no soda September and carried it on through most of October on my own. Even now I only drink pop every once in a while. However, she asked me to give up my Splenda and coffee creamer...crazy talk! As most of you know, I'm an RN and I start work at 7am...meaning I'm up at the butt crack of dawn because I'm one of those people who needs my time and space to wake up. That being said, my coffee with creamer and Splenda is a necessity...When I'm leaving the house not sure if I've actually remembered to brush my teeth, put on deodorant, or put pants on, I've got my coffee. I understand the premise behind getting rid of all things artificial, I do, and I was willing to give it a shot.

Oh! Did I forget to mention the absolutely MANDATORY chocolate daily? Yeah that caught my attention too! How can a plan that includes chocolate every day be bad? Yes ladies and gents, Cynthia forces you to eat chocolate. I'm saying with true conviction that this would be the best part of my day!

The lovely thing about this book is that Cynthia gives you pages upon pages upon pages of recipes to make the core plan easy for those of us who want it to be simple and uncomplicated. Pick a recipe, buy the groceries, make the food, eat it. Easy peasy right? Well, let's just say that reading through these recipes showed me just how "un-clean" I eat. Yes, I do eat veggies with every meal and eat salad at least 4 times a week, but I had very very few of the ingredients in my house, meaning that I would have to do a major grocery shop. Now I don't mind buying produce, I do every week anyways, but I usually stick with the old standbys that I know my family will eat too. After sitting down and figuring out how much everything would cost, it wasn't feasible for my budget. I graduated university in 2010 and had my 1 year of not having to pay the government or the bank back for paying for my schooling...since then I spend a TON of money just on debt repayment. I'm talking almost $1000 a month! Add onto that a car payment, insurance, mortgage payment, house insurance, life insurance, bills, gas etc etc etc...we absolutely HAVE to stick to a budget when it comes to our groceries. There are no willy nilly trips to the grocery store for this and that, we just can't do it. Now, I'm not going without or starving or anything, I just shop the fliers, buy what's on sale and plan our meals around that. It's life right now and I'm OK with it. I do feel bad, however, that the budget I'm having to live with really made it impossible for me to really give this plan a real go to give it a proper review. 

You don't absolutely HAVE to use the recipes that Cynthia gives you in the book. You are able to create your own meals using the 5 piece puzzle, and there are recipes online too if you do a quick search for her or visit her website, Facebook, or Twitter

So overall, this plan was just not feasible for me, but I would highly recommend it for somebody who has the funds, and does well with strict but simple to follow plans (and has the time to plan, organize, and prepare all the meals). Especially after reading the results that Frances and her hubby-to-be Abel had on their blog Deminishing Doll and Co. AMAZING.

I want to thank TLC book tours and Cynthia Sass for giving me the opportunity to read this book. I will definitely be hanging on to it for when I actually have the means to follow the plan as it needs to be followed. I can say with confidence that if the plan is followed as intended, you will lose weight, learn about healthier eating, discover the emotions behind your eating, how to incorporate exercise into your life, and learn about how to keep proper nutrition in your life permanently. This book is definitely worth a read!

The lovely author herself