It's been a while! Since you last heard from me I've started my other job as well applied for a different job and am REALLY hoping that I get called for an interview because it would be an AMAZING opportunity. Twice the pay with a lot less hours spent away from home and great benefits...sounds win win...win to me! If I get this job I would working at the college (in collaboration with a university) and becoming a nursing instructor teaching nursing students their skills lab and taking them into clinical. Would definitely be fun. Exciiiiting!
As for my new job, it's taking some adjusting. I haven't had to work many night shifts since I started my career and this new job is all nights. I'm taking care of a medically fragile infant who requires suctioning and tube feeds. However, my nights this week (I did 3!), she was wonderful. She didn't require any suctioning and basically just snuggled with me all night. The hardest part of the job is staying awake all night for sure. Baby's mom sleeps in the same room I work in (at this point she's just not able to let go enough to leave the room to sleep, which is ok) so I can't watch TV or do anything other than stare at the wall or read a book...well at 4am that is very very hard. So far I'm absolutely loving it, it's just going to take some getting used to.
I haven't been watching the scale at all this past little bit. I got really frustrated with that whopping gain a few weeks back. I knew that I had done everything right and that I had worked my tail off (obviously not literally tho!). I was honestly just done. I felt I had worked so very very very hard and to not see any results, and to instead see a major gain that also took away my 30lb lost milestone was soul crushing. I felt like a failure. I felt like that I was just taking the first step to gaining it all back. I felt unattractive. I felt like a loser. I felt like I'd let everybody down, including myself. And that started my little downward spiral. I was just emotionally done at that point. But I'm recommitting to myself and to weight loss. I haven't been eating horribly but I just really haven't cared. If I wanted some chips, I had em where before I would have at least attempted to curb the craving (we all remember the month long longing for Doritos). I will be weighing myself on my first day off this week and I am sooooooo dreading it but at least it'll give me an idea of where I am. I know that I haven't gained like 15lbs back or anything crazy like that because I still fit in my smaller clothes nicely, but I'm definitely not expecting to be at my lowest.
So...there it is...that's what I've been up to lately. Definitely not my proudest moment having to admit this all you you guys. I guess all I can say is I'm sorry if I've let you down, and I understand if you've lost your faith in me. All I can do is try my best and try to accept when my best doesn't get the results I want. And also remember that the only way that I can fail is if I were to give up completely. Thanks to all of you who have followed me and (hopefully) will continue to follow me. You're the best!