Today was the first day I've been back on track. Tracking meals, getting exercise, planning ahead. And I feel...proud. Proud that I've recognized that this downward spiral has got to stop. I mean, I worked so goddamn hard to lose the nearly 40 lbs I had lost...and here I am back to losing under 30lbs. Why would I do that to myself? Make myself redo the work I've already done because I was pure lazy. It makes me angry when I think of it. Angry at myself for not believing in myself enough to continue on my journey, angry that I can so easily just give up, angry that no matter how much I want to be "normal", I never will be. But anger is futile. Sure it gives you something to do in the moment, but it's not getting you anywhere or changing anything.
Today, I tracked every morsel of food that passed my lips and came in at 1515 calories. But the real win was the calories out: over 3200 (according to my fitbit). I've gone 10800+ steps, up 7 flights of stairs (with at least 1 more to go to get to my bedroom), and over 4.8 miles. Not too shabby considering my morning mostly consisted of watching TV while Chris slept off a night shift. I made it to my first Zumba class in...well I can't even tell you how long. Because it's such a popular class, I have to be at the gym about half an hour early, so I ended up walking a mile on the treadmill prior to the Zumba class.
I've also planned out our meals for the next week and made a grocery list, with only the items we need on that list. Not having the crap in the house makes it impossible to eat things I shouldn't.
Today was the first day...And tomorrow will be the second.